I watched a program on The History Channel the other day about the ancient patriarch, Jacob, whose name was changed to Israel after he wrestled all night with a heavenly being. Jacob called the name of the place where he struggled, 'Peniel' because, 'I have seen the face of God'. The name 'Israel' was given to Jacob as a blessing by the Heavenly messenger. Israel can have one or more of several meanings from, 'struggled with God' to, 'prevailed with God'. It was given to Jacob by the heavenly messenger at the dawn of an all night struggle during which neither was victorious. The scriptures state that the heavenly being reached out and touched Jacob's thigh and that his hip was out of joint. Despite the obvious pain and discomfort he was going through, Jacob stubbornly clung to the being and refused to let him go. Seeing that the dawn was upon him, the messenger told Jacob to release him. Jacob refused and demanded a blessing.
What interested me most was the literal way in which the historian commentators took the story. I must admit that, up to that point, I too had thought of Jacob's struggle in a literal sense...but not anymore. Maybe, perhaps, because I, also, have been struggling of late.
I've been going through some difficult times, lately. Although I've weathered far worse times, what makes this current episode so difficult to take is the way in which I've sought solace and comfort in vain. In other times, when I've gone to The Lord in prayer for relief and comfort, the burdens that I carried into the conversation and laid at Heavenly Father's feet have been taken from me. Nothing in my outward circumstances had changed. I still faced the same challenges as I did before I hit my knees, and yet...those burdens were taken from me and I left that meeting with my Father in Heaven with a knowledge that I was equal to the task before me...that things will, somehow, work out and my family and I will do well.
For the past few months, however, that solace has been sought in vain. The heavens seem to have closed themselves up and every petitioned blessing has been answered with a new challenge or obstacle. I don't know when I've ever felt more alone. Like Jacob, I have been struggling with God.
I suppose that's why yesterday's broadcast seems like a Godsend to me. For the first time I understood what must have been really happening that night, and I saw Jacob's struggle with God as a spiritual, rather than a physical struggle. Jacob seeking to connect with his Father in Heaven and seeking solace and comfort and assurance from God before he went on to meet his estranged brother, Esau...and that solace and comfort and assurance being withheld. Perhaps, during his distracted struggle to connect with God, Jacob lost his footing in the dark, slipped and fell and dislocated his hip, seeing that painful injury as an answer from God for his petitions.
As Jacob writhes in pain, he looks to the East and sees that the sky over the horizon is a shade or two lighter than the last time he looked and he realizes that he has been struggling with God all night long for a blessing that seems to not come.
And then Satan enters Jacob's heart in the guise of God, Himself, and say's 'Let me go'...'Abandon your worship of me'
And this is where Jacob proves to himself the metal of which he's made. He refuses to give up and abandon God, although it appears to Jacob as if God has given up on Jacob and abandoned him. He stubbornly refuses to let go and clings to God, asking a blessing once more...and this time the sought for blessing comes.
Jacob's name is changed to Israel and he is promised that he will be the father of many nations. The great blessing that was given to his father, Isaac and his grandfather, Abraham, will be realized through Jacob. Through his lineaqe will come the Savior of the World, and he will be praised throughout eternity.
Maybe I'm wrong and misreading this whole episode...maybe it's been so long since I've had a confirmation from The Spirit that I'm misinterpreting this whole scenario....but maybe I'm right.
Anyway, it's given me the strength to hold on...to stubbornly cling to God and await his answer.
